If I Should Have TWO Daughters

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

In April we welcomed our second daughter into the world. Grace Josephine was tiny, but strong! The name Josephine is in honor of Jo March. We are so happy and so sleep-deprived. 

If I Should Have a Daughter
By Sarah Kay

If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B,
because that way she knows that no matter what happens,
at least she can always find her way to me.
And I'm going to paint solar systems on the backs of her hands,
so she has to learn the entire universe before she can say,
"Oh, I know that like the back of my hand."
And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face,
wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach.
But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by Band-Aids or poetry.
So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming,
I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself.
Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,
your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I've tried.
"And, baby," I'll tell her, "don't keep your nose up in the air like that.
I know that trick; I've done it a million times.
You're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house,
so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him.
Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place,
to see if you can change him."
But I know she will anyway, so instead I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby,
because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix.
Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix.
But that's what the rain boots are for.
Because rain will wash away everything, if you let it.
I want her to look at the world through the underside of a glass-bottom boat, to look through a microscope at the galaxies that exist on the pinpoint of a human mind, because that's the way my mom taught me.
That there'll be days like this.
♫ There'll be days like this, my momma said. ♫
When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises;
when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape;
when your boots will fill with rain,
and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment.
And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you.
Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away.
You will put the wind in winsome, lose some.
You will put the star in starting over, and over.
And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting, I am pretty damn naive.
But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar.
It can crumble so easily,
but don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
"Baby," I'll tell her, "remember, your momma is a worrier, and your poppa is a warrior, and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more."
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things.
And always apologize when you've done something wrong.
But don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing.
And when they finally hand you heartache,
when they slip war and hatred under your door and offer you handouts on street-corners of cynicism and defeat,
you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.

Dewey 24 Hour Readathon!

Saturday, April 6, 2019

********  UPDATED HOUR 23 ********
I made it to hour 16 and then fell asleep. 
I'm up reading a little more before the readathon ends. 
This will be my very last readathon while pregnant. Yay! Unfortunately I'm on bedrest this weekend. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and have had a few preterm labor scares so far. I will be putting my feet up and reading today, but might not be updating as frequently as I normally do. I'll also be helping my husband with my 3-year-old, so we'll see how this goes.

This is my 15th readathon (see links below). Here's a link for more info about the Dewey Readathon. Today you can find me posting on Litsy and Instagram as @avidreader25 as well as here.

Reading Stats
Pages Read: 885
Currently Reading: #IMomSoHard  
Books Finished: 6: Lift, The Night of the Iguana, If This Isn't Nice, What Is?, The Handmaid's Tale (graphic novel), Leaf by Niggle, and A Delicate Balance
Snacks Eaten: Cinnamon raisin English muffin, ice cream bar, chicken tacos

Introduction:
1) What fine part of the world are you reading from today? Indianapolis, IN

2) Which book in your stack are you most looking forward to? The brand new graphic novel of The Handmaid's Tale and Lift by Kelly Corrigan. 

3) Which snack are you most looking forward to? I'm pregnant... so all of them! Definitely dark chocolate pretzels and maybe a Starbucks flat white. 

4) Tell us a little something about yourself! My second kiddo is due in exactly one month! I also love to travel, have been to 16 countries, and I review live theatre in the Midwest.

5) If you participated in the last readathon, what’s one thing you’ll do different today? I will be resting a lot more. Being pregnant means my energy level is a lot lower than normal.

Mini Challenges: 
1) Book and a Snack at The Book Monsters.

2) Literary Clue 

3) Book Cover Puzzle

Mid-Event Survey:
1) What are you reading right now? #IMomSoHard, I love the authors' web series and so I knew this one would be hilarious! 
2) How many books have you read so far?
Finished 4


3) What book are you most looking forward to?
I'm rereading the Harry Potter series right now and I'm on book 6. I'll dive back in that if I finish my current read.


4) Have you had many interruptions?
I have a toddler... so yes. 


5) What surprises you most about the Read-a-thon, so far? How beautiful the weather had been! Lots of outdoor reading. 
 

PAST READATHON POSTS:
April and October 2011 / April and October 2012 / April and October 2013 April 2014 / April and October 2015 /April and October 2016  /  April and October 2017 / April and October 2018

Photos by me.

2019 First Quarter Reading

Thursday, March 28, 2019

The first three months of 2019 have been unusual for me for a couple reasons. I was asked to join a national committee that selects new plays to receive $40,000 in award money. As part of my role of the committee I read 26 plays, way more than I would normally read in a few months. 

The other thing that affected my reading is pregnancy. I'm pregnant with my second kiddo and a few preterm labor scares have led to partial bedrest, which has led to more reading. Fatigue, because of said pregnancy, has led me to reread old favorites instead of new books for most of the past month. Sometimes you just need comfort reads, so Jane Austen's Persuasion, The Night Circus, and the Harry Potter series have all made their way into my hands recently. 

I also managed to reorganize and streamline my home library (see above) before getting too far into this pregnancy. That was a huge goal of mine since the room also doubles as a play room. We got rid of a big bookcase (and lots of books!) and I'm continuing to prioritize reading and getting rid of my own books this year. 

Total Read: 62
Fiction: 27
Nonfiction: 9
Plays: 23
Graphic Novels: 3

My Favorites So Far: 
Where the Crawdads Sing: Loved this one. Set in the marshland of North Carolina, the story is part coming-of-age, part murder mystery, and part romance. From the age of 6, Kya raises herself almost completely alone in the marshes. Her love of nature and fear of the often cruel towns people isolated her. The writing is beautiful and characters like Jumpin’ and Tate give an added richness. The book is less about plot and more about Kya's journey. It reminded me of The Girl of the Limberlost.

Once Upon a River: An English pub, a bedraggled man, a storyteller, a photographer, a village nurse, a parson’s housekeeper, a couple whose toddler was kidnapped, a farmer with clever pigs, and a river; layer upon layer is added as the story unfolds. Though there seemed like a lot of disconnected threads at first, the author brings them together in the end. The characters are so well drawn. Armstrong the farmer and the nurse Rita were two of my favorites. I’d highly recommend taking time to sink in and enjoy this one. Its beautifully crafted and a wonderful yarn.

“The day had stretched her thin, to the point where she felt the boundary of herself dissolving into the atmosphere.”

Educated: This memoir has been so hyped over the past year, but it lived up to everything I heard. It reminded me of The Glass Castle, but the author's story is a unique one. She was raised by Mormon survivalists on a mountain in Idaho. I was so impressed with the way she tells her story. Despite shocking details and abuse, she's able to unfold a story that felt so visceral and real. It's easy to lose the humanity of the oppressors in a telling like that, but as a reader, I always felt that she didn't hate and resent her family in a way that would have been understandable. It's a heartbreaking story, but one that is beautifully written and so compelling.

“My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices were forceful, emphatic, absolute. It had never occurred to me that my voice might be as strong as theirs.”

“Everything I had worked for, all my years of study, had been to purchase for myself this one privilege: to see and experience more truths than those given to me by my father, and to use those truths to construct my own mind."

I'd Rather Be Reading: I adored this! It was just like chatting with a good friend about our mutual love of books. Almost everything she said reminded me of my own bookish habits and struggles. She talks about falling in love with the library, rereading old favorites, and not pushing books on others just because you think they SHOULD read them. So many of the books she cites are my favorites as well. It was short and sweet and I know I’ll read it again.

“If my real life reminds me of something I’ve read in a book, I’m reading well and I’m probably living well.”

Kid Gloves: I’ve loved following Knisley’s career in her wonderful graphic memoirs. Since I’m currently pregnant, this one was particularly perfect timing. She blends historical facts about pregnancy and childbirth with her own difficult experience. She’s honest and open about her pain and doubt. Her birth experience might have been extreme, but her pregnancy and miscarriages are all too relatable. I loved it.

“I don’t feel good. Can I have some nachos, please?”

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I've also had a few really good books that haven't quite been "favorites" but were excellent. Those include: The Word is Murder, The Dreamers, Belles on Their Toes, The Sun Is Also a Star and The Golden Tresses of the Dead (Flavia de Luce forever!)

I'm guessing the rest of the year will have a big dip in reading. That tends to happen when you have a newborn and are sleep deprived. So I'm pretty happy that this first quarter contained so many great books! 

Photos by me.